you are not all polyamorous/ENM/open

Especially post-2020, community is hard to maintain and individualism is an insidious plague. Lying about identity during Pride Month is a cardinal sin, and yet thousands around the world (at least the western world) are lying to themselves when they say they are polyamorous. Relationships across the board are suffering, and love should be present in different forms in life. I would personally argue that we need to diversify the love, but polyamory is NOT that—and many fail to see the difference.

The prudes of the world will say that polyamory is sinful, and they're right, when it's non-consensual. Whether you call it infidelity, cheating, or adultery, stepping out has always been bad, partially because monogamy is the default. Still, it's interesting to me that "Ethical Non-Monogamy" (ENM) went with "non-monogamy" when polyamory and polygamy already existed. Like in many other issues, nuance is an inconvenience, and labels are often determined by vibes and vocabulary.

As I see it, polyamory underwent rebranding as ENM and suddenly became acceptable for a certain type of person. Far be it from me to yuck someone else's yum, but the second "ethical"-ness is mentioned, I assume that something is off. I know an ethical slaughterhouse is trying to minimize harm, so what's the harm in seeing other people? "Ethical Non-Monogamy" insists on the standards (monogamy) of a puritan culture that doesn't agree with it. This anti-traditional aspect lends itself to "progressivity" without actually progressing anything.

Open relationships, swingers, and polyamory all existed before, and there's nothing inherently different about ENM other than its linguistic complexity. Still, it allows people to claim an alternative and ambiguous identity with a more respectable name, and I think this is why a lot of people lie to themselves. It's a simple way to say you're open-minded in life and love, even though it has no correlation. The stereotypical French adulterer considers themselves "ethical" as long as the cheating isn't obvious, and they still probably hate immigrants. Monogamy may be the tradition, but so is non-monagamy by definition. The acceptance of it is another question entirely, but the rebrand is performative, and acting as though it's progressive is inaccurate and shallow.

Also, I'm still convinced that a lot of people just want to have the security of a relationship and still sleep around or "have options." Too many people are entering these relationships without actually thinking them through. The silver lining is that Reddit has endless fodder for r/relationship_advice and r/AITAH.